Today, I am announcing my candidacy for president of the United States of America. If a former reality TV personality can become president of the United States, why not me?

I did not come to this decision without deep thought and much research. My first step was to find an example of a presidential campaign and slogan that every American, regardless of race, creed, or socioeconomic status, could agree upon and revise it to apply to today’s world.

Herbert Hoover’s 1928 campaign slogan offers an excellent example: “A chicken in every pot.”

While Hoover’s presidency is regarded by many as a disaster (it’s widely agreed that his economic policies deepened the effects of the Great Depression), it’s hard to argue that he didn’t have a great campaign slogan. (A brief historical side note:  Hoover’s slogan was actually, “A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage.” But with the rise of ride services such as Uber and Lyft and driverless cars soon to be taking over the roads, the car part doesn’t apply today.)

My platform’s central planks are education, health care, economic development, gun control, investment in research and development, strengthening the family, support of activities that will unify our nation, and improving international relations.

So with a humble heart and great respect for the American people, I offer my campaign slogan and central policy initiative.

“A conga in every home!”

What better way to address the issues of education, health care, economic development, gun control, investment in research and development, family values, and a deeply divided nation and the world than bringing music into every home?

This is why I believe my platform is good for America:

Education: The research is clear that involvement in music education boosts academic performance, increases test scores, and improves math, reading, language, and logic skills and outcomes. Research also tells us that implementing an integrated arts curriculum has a positive impact on teachers’ attitudes and school climate. The result is that students benefit because happier teachers are better teachers and a more positive school environment is a more effective learning environment.

Health Care

• Seemingly every day we read about doctors using music in new, creative ways to address depression, manage pain, and slow or mitigate the effects of conditions such as dementia. Health care professionals are only beginning to scratch the surface in applying the healing powers of music to drive positive health benefits.

Economic Impact

• Research tells us that strategic investment in arts and culture initiatives can generate significant economic benefits for cities of all sizes. Lancaster is a prime example of that impact.

Gun Control

• Simply stated, it’s much better for people to have instruments in their hands than guns.

Investment in Research and Development

• In this fast-paced, integrated global economy and the world community, the challenges we face, whether related to the environment, education, health care, or global politics, are becoming more complex. Effectively addressing these increasingly complex issues will require the development of a corresponding increase in the creativity of our populace so they can develop creative solutions to these problems. And the most effective tool in our educational and community arsenal to teach creativity and thinking outside the box is music.

Strengthening the Family

• What could possibly be a better way to bring families closer than sitting around a conga drum playing music and singing songs? Sharing musical experiences is a tremendous way to improve communication and promote love and understanding among people.

Unifying our Nation

• We must invest in things that can bring our deeply divided nation together. As the universal language, music has the unparalleled power to bring people of all backgrounds together.

Strengthening International Relations

• Finally, not only can music strengthen our families here at home, but it also can serve as a vital tool to enhance international relations. Music’s potential to foster understanding and build bridges between disparate cultures and nations is enormous. Thus, my administration will work to expand the “A Conga in Every Home” initiative to homes throughout the world.

These policies will provide a solid blueprint for the future of America.

I hope you will join me on this journey to the White House in 2020. Together, we will put a conga in every home.

Now get out there and knock on some doors and spread the word!

I am John Gerdy, and I approved this message.